In my aud & crazy world I constantly have things running through my head. So rather then continue letting it take up space I'm putting it out there! My thoughts, opinions, fashion tips on a budget, hair tips for crazy unmanageable hair and other aud tidbits that include health and even some politics!
As I walked in the door from spending time with my little side kick who is almost four year old at a local fire station for a friends birthday; I tucked him in bed for his daily nap, kissed his sweet cheek, and closed the door. Moments later, I turned on the news, and as most multitasking mom's,turn on my laptop, start pulling laundry over to fold and the words on the television bring attention to my ears. 26 people have been shot, 20 of whom are children in a Connecticut Elementary school, my heart sunk and I am sickened.
I have been complaining all week about all my woes, and yet as tears stream down my cheek and my heart aches for these parents I realize how silly and insignificant my issues now appear. Why am I not hugging my kids, why am I not loving and laughing with them, and why am I so preoccupied by the day ins and day outs of things that really don't matter! When really, I should be trying to utilize every minute I have with them. Because heaven forbid something bad happen's and I never see them again! It's hard to comprehend.
It is heart wrenching, all I want to do is hug my three beautiful children and somehow protect them from all that is evil in this world. It is incomprehensible that anyone could take out their frustrations in life on sweet innocent children.
Every single child and adult who was somehow involved will forever be changed. Innocence was lost. How does one begin piecing their life back together after such a horrific tragedy? And how do you even begin to explain or help your child who experienced something this grave, understand and work through it.
My heart goes out to these families who will never be able to kiss that sweet little face, or hug their beautiful innocent child. I can't imagine the emptiness and heartache that has undoubtedly surrounded these people's lives due to no fault of their own.
So today (yesterday) has been one of those days, or perhaps it's been one of those weeks, months, quarters, hmmm... I guess it's just been a year! I often find myself wishing I lived another life, yes I have mentioned this before, free from torturous whining, kids screaming, never ending homework nagging, duct tape needing, mom screaming, hair pulling, happy fun filled days that seem to be the bane of my existence anymore!
The life where I made all the RIGHT decisions and stopped second guessing every decision that I have made! You know, those decision that ultimately define the rest of your life.
In that other life, my life would be filled with wisdom, knowledge, confidence, no regrets, making a decision and running with it and not second guessing every damn decision I do make, not listening to anyone but myself and God, not allowing what I thought everyone wanted me to do or be to guide my every decision. I would stop trying to be so disgustingly perfect. I wouldn't feel bad about my failures and use that to fuel my new endeavors. I would be full of I do's instead of "I didn't dare". I would put more worth on what I believe and value and not what other's value in me. I wouldn't be so scared to try and be excited for the result no matter the outcome!
Oh and it would include some sort of nanny, a beach front property with NO hurricanes, and a masseuse to rub any and all of the incessant mommy stresses away, a hubby who cooked and cleaned (preferably) and children who cleaned up, wiped up, peed in the toilet not on the toilet, folded clothes, washed their own laundry, never complained, didn't know the meaning of "eyes rolling", refrained from nose picking, toilet role replacing, respectable, "your the best mom ever award", sweet and ever mindful children. (It's a dream people)
Instead I have been consuming myself with the extremely efficient mind numbing game of what if I....
1. Finished college the first go around (rather than returning 10 years later and trying to finish a degree with three little hellions and four extra mouths to feed, laundry to be done, food to be cooked... yada, yada, yada, you get the picture!
2. Didn't have kids when I was a completely under qualified (is there such a thing as an over qualified mom?)
3. Got financially secure before having kids, (somehow I think those two go hand in hand)
4. Was the perfect mom
5. Wasn't so damn serious all the time
6. Wasn't so flippin indecisive
7. Found joy in the monotony of every day life
8. Woke up every day, went running before the break of dawn, showered, hair done, dressed, laundry load done, dishes done, all before the kids woke up! (Hell, then what would I do with the rest of my day!)
9. Finished the jobs I started... that would be a good start
Oh and 10. Stop being such a dumb A__! (This just goes with out saying ;)
I mean, I am quite sure that had I actually waited to bear children until I was a little more mature perhaps I would have made more qualified decisions! Like, perhaps it would be wiser to put the hubby through school while your going to school, or better yet, don't even get married until you have your degree, then get married, but wait to have kids until you can actually pay for that house, and not be scraping by.... But, no! I got married at the age of 20, had my first kid at 22, had my second kid at 24, was practically a single mom putting her husband through Architecture school, and in the meantime lost my mind, identity, and became, hmmm still not sure!
I think that is where I'm at now, trying to figure out who the hell I am all the while still maintaining that "I am an awesome mom" complex, which we all know doesn't really exist; it's purely a figment of our imaginations.
Sorry to break it to you ladies! If your still living in that bubble, just be prepared because the fact is THERE IS NO SUCH THING! If there is anything I have learned over the years it's that if you think there is such thing as perfection, your setting yourself up for failure, it's inevitable! You might as well hear it from me now instead of ten years down the road! Just sayin!
Unfortunately, one of these days (if you haven't already) you will have a midlife crisis like yours truly and wonder where that amazing woman went only to find that the reflection in the mirror slightly resembles that girl from long ago, but is no where to be found! If you are fortunate enough to never experience such a thing, please tell me what miracle drug you've found because the rest of us would appreciate it and we will thank you for it!
Until then, I'm befuddled by the road not taken, and longing for that daring girl that once resembled me and wondering if she still exists; somewhere?
And, if she is there, is it possible to reinvent her, or perhaps become a better version of her? And if so, how, what, when and where is she and how do I begin to bring her back?
So I was reading a blog titled Crazy Working Mom and got a kick out of her recent post titled the 12 Days of Christmas which she had pulled off some other blog and found myself envying her "wine under the tree" statement... I will just have to settle for my Diet Coke, ugh, just doesn't sound quite as relaxing! So I decided I would pass the joy along, so here is my 12 Days of Christmas!
12 Days of Craziness
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Twelve loads of laundry
Eleven feet a stomping
Ten x 3 dirty hands & feet
Nine trips to Walmart (damn I forgot something again!)
Eight mouths a wining (okay only 4 but who's counting)
Seven screams from mommy
Six "I am gonna kill you"s
******Five DIET COKES******
Four more people to pick up after
Three loads of dishes (honestly this is never the case, but it fit... it's really more like never ending...)
Two older siblings quarreling
and
A su-gar cookie for lunch!
(Maybe two + a Diet Coke, because you can't have one w/o the other :)
I would love to hear yours, feel free to post! The more the merrier :) Happy 12 days & counting people!
I HATE mornings! No, I loath mornings! I am that person who will stay in bed until that last possible second, even if it's 6:29 am and my alarm is planned to go off in 60 seconds or less, I will close my eyes just to squeeze the last tiny possible amount of sleep left. This may also mean that I will be running around the house like a chicken with it's head cut off just to get out the door on time. However, it usually means I run late!
School mornings are the worst. Why you wonder? I don't know. It's really just another day but it requires my lazy butt to get out of bed earlier than I prefer. In Utah we weren't required to get our little terrors to school until 8:40 am. I know right! Wonderful, fantastic, bliss... I could go on and on. Well since moving to Mississippi, we and when I say we I mostly mean me, were not very happy about the fact that school starts at the insane hour of 7:40 am. What? PEOPLE that means I have to get up before 7 am, and that doesn't even include a good run! No, if I want to get a run in, that would mean getting my butt out of bed somewhere before that despicable hour of 6 am. That is just pushing it people. No one in their right mind gets up before 6 am unless they are certifiably crazy. And I know some of those people. You know the ones who jump out of bed like daisies every morning, and the second their alarms goes off they start singing to their little bird friends like Cinderella or something.
I have often wished I had their secret magic powers, as I'm sure this ability requires some super human strength or some super natural power! I also have often wondered and thought that if I could just meet with some hypnotist, that I could have him change my little brain to like getting up in the morning... oh and if I'm going to have him do that I might as well tell him to make me like, laundry, dishes, cleaning (this is a big one which really could cost me lots simply because it would include, dusting, toilets, tubs, mopping, windows, baseboards, cobwebs, vents, this could go on and on!) you get the point. And this list doesn't even include the outdoor chores.
All you doubters out there, just think... how awesome would it be to LIKE getting up in the morning, getting all your happy cleaning chores done by 8 am and have the rest of your day to do as you please.
Psssttt... I know such a woman! No, really she does exist! She also happens to have five? No, six kids! GASP ;) I know, this is no tall tale! She also plays the piano, and can play at a moments notice, I have yet to discover her other supernatural abilities, but I will keep investigating as the rest of us must know her secrets!
She divulged through much water hoarding, that she actually does LOVE mornings, and prefers to have her house cleaned, shopping done and kids eating breakfast (even on Saturday) by 8 am! Your probably wondering who in their right mind would do this, voluntarily? I personally cannot fathom it, but nevertheless (I love using that word), she does, and she is not a figment of my imagination; she truly does exist!
So, to all you early risers, CURSE YOU! Only because I wish I were you, eh sometimes! But then I wouldn't get to enjoy that late morning sleep hangover that is blissful and joyous, however few and far between! Although these days, I can't seem to get to sleep due to my required late night quiet time.
Again, this is the debate, do I stay up late and enjoy the no little terrors (because little terrors do sleep) or do I get up early and enjoy it, and for whatever reason, the late night always wins out with me? ERRRRRR!
So I beg the question.. are you an early riser or a late nighter (like me ;)? And what is better or worse? I will admit I wish I were a early riser, I'm almost certain I would be 100 x more productive if I were. Mheh!
I am so excited for this post! I know I know, a little eccentric! But to be honest it's one of those things you think about aaaannnnnd it never comes to fruition! My love for fashion is somewhat of a recent thing, meaning; the last four or five years. Before that you could probably say my fashion sense consisted of t-shirts & jeans, EVERY DAY!
It's not like I was a mom with two toddlers doing nothing besides changing diapers, cleaning up toys and spit up all day, EVERY DAY! I mean, we mom's have lots of reasons to look hot! You never know when that UPS driver is going to show up and need your John Hancock! I mean, it's hard to look that good! I was the girl all the delivery boys fought over, "Hey, you can't deliver to apt. A, 1100 E 1700 S, that poor college wifey with two kids... I want to, she's a hottie... ", "no way, I want to deliver that package to her, maybe she'll be wearing those de-stressed jeans with the flare bottoms today!" Okay, okay, so I never actually had delivery boys fighting over me, but, perhaps in another life? You never know!
I am not quite sure what ended my recurring nightmare of worn out jeans and the over-washed t's. Perhaps it was the lip gloss intervention with my girls friends a few years back! Apparently my lip liner and concealer I had been wearing for the past ten years was out of date or something?
People, I looked good! Or not?
Or, maybe it was returning to college and actually seeing girls look hot and sexy...
even if it was with daddy's money, fashion is fashion! Let's be honest, after being a stay-at-home mom for eight years, you kinda sorta start looking (alright, feeling) like that worn out dish rag you use every day, you forget what it feels like to LOOK HOT & FEEL HOT! Although, I do have to say, thank goodness I was living in Utah, the fashion mecca of the U.S. (LOL) and not in Mississippi, (Mississippi State) where I'm currently residing. Otherwise it is plausible that my fashion sense could have gotten worse, if that's even possible? Down here fashion sense consists of over sized t-shirts over Nike running shorts peeking out the bottom like some creep peeking out the window. I still can't quite figure that one out!
My hubby and I decided it was their way of hooking the guys down here. See, these girls have figured out that if they look bad all day long, then when they do get dressed up the guys are hook, line, and sinker baby! I feel like I'm living in a time warp, like Mississippi is stuck somewhere in the late 80's or 90's, ugh!
Nevertheless, I'VE BEEN SAVED! Something akin to one those preacher shows on t.v. when they lay their hand on the person's forehead and proclaim... "Hallelujah sista, you're SAVED!" Except that it consists of burning or just DI'ing, (Utah talk for Salvation Army) all those nasty clothes I used to call my wardrobe. So I had a slight intervention, either way, THANK YOU GIRLS! You saved me from the fashion police.
So without further adieu, here is the first of many fabulous FASHION idea's, something I like to call "Chic on the Cheap"! Listed below you will find a list of the items I'm wearing and where I bought them from,
at the great low price I paid! Enjoy girls :)
Thanks babe for making me look hot, it takes work to make me look this good!
(That't the beauty of magic, or in other words, Photoshop!)
This first one is my hubbies fav!
Check out that Germack bounce back beautiful hair!
(This phrase just might age me, yikes!)
I wonder why those people are looking at me funny?
Haven't you ever seen a "hot mom" model before, sheeez!
I've got important business to attend to people, out of the way!
Did I forget to turn the oven off, crap... I can't remember!
Is this a female version of the Marlboro man pose? Hmm, maybe I should ask The Pioneer Cookbook Woman, I bet she'd know... I've heard she and the Marlboro man are tight!
Chic on the Cheap Items:
Navy Turtleneck Sweater (Love this!) - H&M less than $20
Tan Rider Boots - Shoe Carnival $35 (Usually have buy one get one half off sale)
Faux Leather Jacket - Target under $40
Nicole Miller Purse - JC Penny's under $40
I am so excited about this, I've had a few girls tell me over the last few years that I should be their own personal wardrobe stylist; man I've come a long way from those mommy jeans and t-shirt days!
So to you girls, thanks! And hopefully I can give you some great Chic ideas for Cheap, (Not cheap as in cheap, but cheap as in a fabulous price)!
So I am always on the look out for great makeup, so here are a few of my favorites!
This is an under eye concealer by Clinique. I have the worst dark circles under and around my eyes. This makes me look all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the mornings. This and the upper eye touch base (brightener) you will see next!
I love the 04 Medium Petal, I have a little bit darker skin (olive) and this helps
brighten the under eye perfectly!
The upper eye is a little touchy because the make up can slip down into your eye, (I found this out the hard way). So, this upper eye brightener is hypoallergenic and does wonders to brighten the eye and is a great base for your eye shadow! Again, this is Clinique Eye Base 10 Canvas! Love it :)
Okay, so I've saved the best for last! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this next product!
A good Lip Gloss is one of the hardest items to find... I've found it!
YOU WILL LOVE THIS!
Estee Lauder Pure Gloss, High Gloss, Lip Gloss is AMAZING!
It will not chap your lips, it does not cake your lips, and it stays on longer than 5 minutes.
Bare Glow is my favorite, it's a nude color and looks fabulous on; however they are all great.
Try it, you will love it... I SWEAR!
I get more compliments on this lip gloss then any other I've tried!
Ragnar Relay Chattanooga TN to Nashville TN is over! I have never been so tired or had so much fun in all my life (okay that might be debatable however it is the funnest thing I can recall in the last year!) So here are some fun pics of our trip! We headed out from Mississippi Thursday night, with two vans, 12 girls, tons of food, and lots of fluids! Here is van 1, this is where we ate, slept (tried), changed, cheered, laughed, and lived for over 30 hours! Stupid you say, absolutely! Fun? Hell yeah! (Make sure to read on, the good stuff is toward the bottom!)
Here we are are, still looking all perky and fresh! Just before we head out from Starkville, Mississippi!
We decided to stop in Birmingham AL for dinner and ended up spending way to long (people couldn't make up their minds on where to eat!) in Birmingham! We finally decided to eat at P.F. Chang's, I swear we were there for half the night, okay maybe two or three hours... here we are waiting ............................................... ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
...the funniest part of the evening; when one of the girls at my table asked for her red velvet cake and got this instead! It's so big, it's invincible!
and after 30 seconds (because that was eating it slow) this is what was left!
I know your wondering what in the world.... that's what we thought too! What she was expecting was one of those larger than you could possibly eat slices of heaven! Instead, she got this, a shot glass of two minuscule layers of cake and whipped cream. I almost peed my pants when my friend looked at the waitress and said "Really? Really, this is it?" We were all laughing so hard, apparently P.F. Chang's is not the place for Red Velvet Cake! Just FYI! So much for sharing, Misty and her tiny spoon gobbled it all up, in one bite I might add! And then she asked the waitress for the glass, figured that would at least cover the rest of the cost! Again, I'm amazed I didn't soak myself! (Misty, bottom picture, middle row on the right!)
Once again we hit the road, arriving in Chattanooga TN around midnight (I can't remember if that was MS time or TN time?) it's all a little fuzzy now. That's what three hours of sleep and 26 hours of wake time mixed with running at all hours of the day & night will do to you (not recommended)
So we arrive at the hotel, and of course the anxiety of it all hits. It is nearly impossible for me to sleep the night before a race. Why I can't just sleep is beyond me! I mean, I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP PEOPLE! I think I may have gotten 3 hours, but really, I have no idea. It's hard to be sure whilst drifting aimlessly in and out of sleep, and then the girls starting getting up at 4:30 AM! HOLY FREAK GIRLS, and they do this on a regular basis :( Insane in my opinion!
Here we are at the starting line!
Misty, Tangela, Me (Audra), Carey, Jennifer, Kacey
My running, sleeping, pooping, driving buddies for the next 30 hours!
Kacy took leg 1, we were so excited we were like little kids on Christmas morning... I think we stopped to cheer her on every mile! Needless to say we eventually realized we were being a little over zealous and slowed our momentum down!
Here is Kacey going up a beast of a hill! You go GIRL!
I think she is getting tired of us at this point! Sorry Kacey, we're just a little excited if you can't tell!
This is where Kacey finished her first leg, so incredibly beautiful!
And Carey was off, leg 2 was one of two hardest runs of the entire route... the first two miles gradually inclined, and then all the sudden it was 4 miles up a mountain! Carey was a freight train, she just kept going and going... no stopping for this girl, she doesn't know the meaning of the word!
Still has a smile on her face!
Here's iron man I mean woman...
Our Mascot!
Here I am getting ready for my first leg!
Checking my music and making sure mapmyrun is ready to record my run... no paranoia I assure you!
What goes up, must come down! Here comes Jennifer finishing up leg 3...
Run Jen Run! Dang she looks good :)
another check, just in case... there is no OCD here! None, whatsoever!!!
Just keep running, just keep running, just keep running, running, running, what do ya do, we runnnnnn!
I am still a little excited can ya tell? Obviously this is the first run, our tenacity starts waning as you will see :)
Misty rocked her first leg, leg 5!
We decided to surprise Misty with a little silly string, go SUPERFLY!
Don't we have a cute van! Thanks Jennifer, you made us look gooooood!
Here comes Tangela, leg 6!
Doesn't she look tough!
Whoot whoot!
And then things become a little fuzzy, wake time (11.5 hours, or longer if you don't include the 3 lousy hours of sleep we got the night before), ...again, fuzzy!
On top of that, after our first major exchange and getting some much needed food, we somehow managed to park our butts & beds 10 yards from a active train track, 3 trains later + Mexican music playing in the background = NO SLEEP! Son of a gun, not again!
Don't we look fresh and beautiful! No sleep deprivation whatsoever!
Damn we look good :)
Hello we are starving people!
And then the pictures become few and far between. Our second leg begins sometime after 6 pm. I think my leg (leg 4) began sometime around 10 pm, although, it's all a little foggy, something akin to coming off of anesthesia, and you feel like your head weighs 50 lbs and the world is spinning off it's axis! All I remember is running 4.3 miles in complete and utter darkness (thank heaven it was my shortest leg).
One thing I'm trying to get used to here in the south is the tree's. They are everywhere, they line the streets and go for miles and when your running down a road lined with tree's, dogs barking, cars trying to run you over.. weird things start to creep into your head. I'm pretty sure there were points in that run where I could have been considered for a loony bin, you know, talking to myself, singing childhood songs, looking behind my shoulder, looking to the right and the to the left; wondering when the psycho would jump out of the tree's and grab his next victim and how I would kick his ass with my superwoman capabilities if he tried!
A few pep talks later with yours truly, a couple little prayers, and a few primary songs later, my nerves calmed down and once I hit the down hill, the legs started cruising and I was sure I was SUPERWOMAN... I went from an 8.32 average per mile to 7.2 average at the finish line. I love hitting a good down hill run at the end of a race, you know that point when your legs start to feel like jello; the amazing part is that whether you like it or not, your legs begin to move without you actually telling them to. Superwoman, in all my glory; cape, boots, boobs and all! Well, minus the boobs and add the trickle effect, you know the effect that comes from bringing 3 little aliens into the world, damn you kegel muscles! Apparently, anytime I run uphill, downhill, or speed up (so basically most of the time) I leak. Good thing only one of my pipes was leaking! Or that could have been really bad :/ if you know what I mean?
We took another break and then sometime around 4 am I hit my last leg, the longest of the three and hardest of the three. Running on fumes, exhaustion and fatigue were definitely a worry for me. About 30 minutes before taking off I made sure to take a Energy pack and a few electrolyte chews.
Well, amazingly enough I started out and I felt great, in fact this run was the best of the three. Insane I know! I took another goo about 4 miles into this run, which was good considering it was hill after hill after hill and they only seemed to get worse. Just after taking this little magic pack of goo, I hit the largest hill and passed three people including the lady who zipped past me a mile and a half into my run... sucka! Don't people know you never start out strong! People... start out slow, ESPECIALLY considering this was the last leg, your already tired, you've been up for over 24 hours, and you don't know what your body is going to do come mile 5 or 6. Well, I kicked all their butts! That's right, I'll trash talk you into tomorrow all y'all!
We finished 2nd place in the All Women's Division only getting beat by 14 minutes! Our time 29:34, not too shabby for a bunch of 30+ rockin women!
We make this look gooood!
I was told IHOP was delicious... do you think they had any Diet Coke? NO! Misty, not cool :<
However, I've never seen a girl eat so many buttermilk pancakes!
Here are our shirts, they turned out Great! Thanks to my idea of the girls, and my hubby, Jake's fabulous graphic design skills, we looked fab running across the finish line! Thanks babe :)
What an insane, crazy, exhausting, fun, crap shoot of a weekend (literally, don't you know that's why they have all the port-a-potties)! Doesn't it sound fun?
