No Words...

As I walked in the door from spending time with my little side kick who is almost four year old at a local fire station for a friends birthday; I tucked him in bed for his daily nap, kissed his sweet cheek, and closed the door.  Moments later, I turned on the news, and as most multitasking mom's,turn on my laptop, start pulling laundry over to fold and the words on the television bring attention to my ears.  26 people have been shot, 20 of whom are children in a Connecticut  Elementary school, my heart sunk and I am sickened.

I have been complaining all week about all my woes, and yet as tears stream down my cheek and my heart aches for these parents I realize how silly and insignificant my issues now appear.  Why am I not hugging my kids, why am I not loving and laughing with them, and why am I so preoccupied by the day ins and day outs of things that really don't matter! When really, I should be trying to utilize every minute I have with them. Because heaven forbid something bad happen's and I never see them again! It's hard to comprehend.

It is heart wrenching, all I want to do is hug my three beautiful children and somehow protect them from all that is evil in this world.  It is incomprehensible that anyone could take out their frustrations in life on sweet innocent children.

Every single child and adult who was somehow involved will forever be changed.  Innocence was lost.  How does one begin piecing their life back together after such a horrific tragedy?  And how do you even begin to explain or help your child who experienced something this grave, understand and work through it.

My heart goes out to these families who will never be able to kiss that sweet little face, or hug their beautiful innocent child.  I can't imagine the emptiness and heartache that has undoubtedly surrounded these people's lives due to no fault of their own.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you all!

Frustrations of a Home Bound Mom!

So today (yesterday) has been one of those days, or perhaps it's been one of those weeks, months, quarters, hmmm... I guess it's just been a year!  I often find myself wishing I lived another life, yes I have mentioned this before, free from torturous whining, kids screaming, never ending homework nagging, duct tape needing, mom screaming, hair pulling, happy fun filled days that seem to be the bane of my existence anymore!

The life where I made all the RIGHT decisions and stopped second guessing every decision that I have made!  You know, those decision that ultimately define the rest of your life.

In that other life, my life would be filled with wisdom, knowledge, confidence, no regrets, making a decision and running with it and not second guessing every damn decision I do make, not listening to anyone but myself and God, not allowing what I thought everyone wanted me to do or be to guide my every decision. I would stop trying to be so disgustingly perfect.  I wouldn't feel bad about my failures and use that to fuel my new endeavors. I would be full of I do's instead of "I didn't dare". I would put more worth on what I believe and value and not what other's value in me.  I wouldn't be so scared to try and be excited for the result no matter the outcome!

Oh and it would include some sort of nanny, a beach front property with NO hurricanes, and a masseuse to rub any and all of the incessant mommy stresses away, a hubby who cooked and cleaned (preferably) and children who cleaned up, wiped up, peed in the toilet not on the toilet, folded clothes, washed their own laundry, never complained, didn't know the meaning of "eyes rolling", refrained from nose picking, toilet role replacing, respectable, "your the best mom ever award", sweet and ever mindful children.  (It's a dream people)

Instead I have been consuming myself with the extremely efficient mind numbing game of what if I....

1. Finished college the first go around (rather than returning 10 years later and trying to finish a degree with three little hellions and four extra mouths to feed, laundry to be done, food to be cooked... yada, yada, yada, you get the picture!
2. Didn't have kids when I was a completely under qualified (is there such a thing as an over qualified mom?)
3. Got financially secure before having kids, (somehow I think those two go hand in hand)
4. Was the perfect mom
5. Wasn't so damn serious all the time
6. Wasn't so flippin indecisive
7. Found joy in the monotony of every day life
8. Woke up every day, went running before the break of dawn, showered, hair done, dressed, laundry load done, dishes done, all before the kids woke up! (Hell, then what would I do with the rest of my day!)
9. Finished the jobs I started... that would be a good start

Oh and 10. Stop being such a dumb A__! (This just goes with out saying ;)

I mean, I am quite sure that had I actually waited to bear children until I was a little more mature perhaps I would have made more qualified decisions! Like, perhaps it would be wiser to put the hubby through school while your going to school, or better yet, don't even get married until you have your degree, then get married, but wait to have kids until you can actually pay for that house, and not be scraping by.... But, no!  I got married at the age of 20, had my first kid at 22, had my second kid at 24, was practically a single mom putting her husband through Architecture school, and in the meantime lost my mind, identity, and became, hmmm still not sure!

I think that is where I'm at now, trying to figure out who the hell I am all the while still maintaining that "I am an awesome mom" complex, which we all know doesn't really exist; it's purely a figment of our imaginations.

Sorry to break it to you ladies! If your still living in that bubble, just be prepared because the fact is THERE IS NO SUCH THING! If there is anything I have learned over the years it's that if you think there is such thing as perfection, your setting yourself up for failure, it's inevitable! You might as well hear it from me now instead of ten years down the road! Just sayin!

Unfortunately, one of these days (if you haven't already) you will have a midlife crisis like yours truly and wonder where that amazing woman went only to find that the reflection in the mirror slightly resembles that girl from long ago, but is no where to be found!  If you are fortunate enough to never experience such a thing, please tell me what miracle drug you've found because the rest of us would appreciate it and we will thank you for it!

Until then, I'm befuddled by the road not taken, and longing for that daring girl that once resembled me and wondering if she still exists; somewhere?

And, if she is there, is it possible to reinvent her, or perhaps become a better version of her?  And if so, how, what, when and where is she and how do I begin to bring her back?

Lost in a world not my own,

Yours Truly!

12 Days of Christmas

So I was reading a blog titled Crazy Working Mom and got a kick out of her recent post titled the 12 Days of Christmas which she had pulled off some other blog and found myself envying her "wine under the tree" statement... I will just have to settle for my Diet Coke, ugh, just doesn't sound quite as relaxing!  So I decided I would pass the joy along, so here is my 12 Days of Christmas!

12 Days of Craziness

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 

Twelve loads of laundry

Eleven feet a stomping

Ten x 3 dirty hands & feet

Nine trips to Walmart (damn I forgot something again!)

Eight mouths a wining (okay only 4 but who's counting)

Seven screams from mommy

Six "I am gonna kill you"s

******Five DIET COKES******

Four more people to pick up after

Three loads of dishes (honestly this is never the case, but it fit... it's really more like never ending...)

Two older siblings quarreling

and

A su-gar cookie for lunch! 

(Maybe two + a Diet Coke, because you can't have one w/o the other :)

I would love to hear yours, feel free to post!  The more the merrier :) Happy 12 days & counting people!

Early Bird or Night Owl?

I HATE mornings! No, I loath mornings!  I am that person who will stay in bed until that last possible second, even if it's 6:29 am and my alarm is planned to go off in 60 seconds or less, I will close my eyes just to squeeze the last tiny possible amount of sleep left.  This may also mean that I will be running around the house like a chicken with it's head cut off just to get out the door on time.  However, it usually means I run late!

School mornings are the worst.  Why you wonder?  I don't know.  It's really just another day but it requires my lazy butt to get out of bed earlier than I prefer.  In Utah we weren't required to get our little terrors to school until 8:40 am.  I know right! Wonderful, fantastic, bliss... I could go on and on.  Well since moving to Mississippi, we and when I say we I mostly mean me, were not very happy about the fact that school starts at the insane hour of 7:40 am.  What? PEOPLE that means I have to get up before 7 am, and that doesn't even include a good run! No, if I want to get a run in, that would mean getting my butt out of bed somewhere before that despicable hour of 6 am.  That is just pushing it people.  No one in their right mind gets up before 6 am unless they are certifiably crazy.  And I know some of those people.  You know the ones who jump out of bed like daisies every morning, and the second their alarms goes off they start singing to their little bird friends like Cinderella or something.

I have often wished I had their secret magic powers, as I'm sure this ability requires some super human strength or some super natural power! I also have often wondered and thought that if I could just meet with some hypnotist, that I could have him change my little brain to like getting up in the morning... oh and if I'm going to have him do that I might as well tell him to make me like, laundry, dishes, cleaning (this is a big one which really could cost me lots simply because it would include, dusting, toilets, tubs, mopping, windows, baseboards, cobwebs, vents, this could go on and on!) you get the point.  And this list doesn't even include the outdoor chores.

All you doubters out there, just think... how awesome would it be to LIKE getting up in the morning, getting all your happy cleaning chores done by 8 am and have the rest of your day to do as you please.

Psssttt... I know such a woman! No, really she does exist!  She also happens to have five? No, six kids! GASP ;) I know, this is no tall tale! She also plays the piano, and can play at a moments notice, I have yet to discover her other supernatural abilities, but I will keep investigating as the rest of us must know her secrets!

She divulged through much water hoarding, that she actually does LOVE mornings, and prefers to have her house cleaned, shopping done and kids eating breakfast (even on Saturday) by 8 am! Your probably wondering who in their right mind would do this, voluntarily? I personally cannot fathom it, but nevertheless (I love using that word), she does, and she is not a figment of my imagination; she truly does exist!

So, to all you early risers, CURSE YOU! Only because I wish I were you, eh sometimes!  But then I wouldn't get to enjoy that late morning sleep hangover that is blissful and joyous, however few and far between! Although these days, I can't seem to get to sleep due to my required late night quiet time.

Again, this is the debate, do I stay up late and enjoy the no little terrors (because little terrors do sleep) or do I get up early and enjoy it, and for whatever reason, the late night always wins out with me? ERRRRRR!

So I beg the question.. are you an early riser or a late nighter (like me ;)?  And what is better or worse?  I will admit I wish I were a early riser, I'm almost certain I would be 100 x more productive if I were. Mheh!

Chic on the Cheap!

I am so excited for this post! I know I know, a little eccentric!  But to be honest it's one of those things you think about aaaannnnnd it never comes to fruition! My love for fashion is somewhat of a recent thing, meaning; the last four or five years.  Before that you could probably say my fashion sense consisted of t-shirts & jeans, EVERY DAY!

It's not like I was a mom with two toddlers doing nothing besides changing diapers, cleaning up toys and spit up all day, EVERY DAY! I mean, we mom's have lots of reasons to look hot! You never know when that UPS driver is going to show up and need your John Hancock!  I mean, it's hard to look that good!  I was the girl all the delivery boys fought over, "Hey, you can't deliver to apt. A, 1100 E 1700 S, that poor college wifey with two kids... I want to, she's a hottie... ", "no way, I want to deliver that package to her, maybe she'll be wearing those de-stressed jeans with the flare bottoms today!"  Okay, okay, so I never actually had delivery boys fighting over me, but, perhaps in another life? You never know!

I am not quite sure what ended my recurring nightmare of worn out jeans and the over-washed t's.  Perhaps it was the lip gloss intervention with my girls friends a few years back! Apparently my lip liner and concealer I had been wearing for the past ten years was out of date or something?  

People, I looked good! Or not?

Or, maybe it was returning to college and actually seeing girls look hot and sexy... 

even if it was with daddy's money, fashion is fashion!  Let's be honest, after being a stay-at-home mom for eight years, you kinda sorta start looking (alright, feeling) like that worn out dish rag you use every day, you forget what it feels like to LOOK HOT & FEEL HOT! Although, I do have to say, thank goodness I was living in Utah, the fashion mecca of the U.S. (LOL) and not in Mississippi, (Mississippi State) where I'm currently residing.  Otherwise it is plausible that my fashion sense could have gotten worse, if that's even possible?  Down here fashion sense consists of over sized t-shirts over Nike running shorts peeking out the bottom like some creep peeking out the window.  I still can't quite figure that one out!  

My hubby and I decided it was their way of hooking the guys down here.  See, these girls have figured out that if they look bad all day long, then when they do get dressed up the guys are hook, line, and sinker baby!  I feel like I'm living in a time warp, like Mississippi is stuck somewhere in the late 80's or 90's, ugh!

Nevertheless, I'VE BEEN SAVED!  Something akin to one those preacher shows on t.v. when they lay their hand on the person's forehead and proclaim... "Hallelujah sista, you're SAVED!"  Except that it consists of burning or just DI'ing, (Utah talk for Salvation Army) all those nasty clothes I used to call my wardrobe.  So I had a slight intervention, either way, THANK YOU GIRLS! You saved me from the fashion police. 

So without further adieu, here is the first of many fabulous FASHION idea's, something I like to call "Chic on the Cheap"! Listed below you will find a list of the items I'm wearing and where I bought them from, 

at the great low price I paid!  Enjoy girls :)

Thanks babe for making me look hot, it takes work to make me look this good!  

(That't the beauty of magic, or in other words, Photoshop!)

This first one is my hubbies fav!  

Check out that Germack bounce back beautiful hair!

(This phrase just might age me, yikes!)

I wonder why those people are looking at me funny? 

Haven't you ever seen a "hot mom" model before, sheeez!

I've got important business to attend to people, out of the way!

Did I forget to turn the oven off, crap... I can't remember!

Is this a female version of the Marlboro man pose?  Hmm, maybe I should ask The Pioneer Cookbook Woman, I bet she'd know... I've heard she and the Marlboro man are tight!

Chic on the Cheap Items:

Navy Turtleneck Sweater (Love this!) - H&M less than $20

Mustard Colored Jeans - Old Navy Rocker/Pop Jeans on sale for $19 right now

Scarf - Tuesday Morning $9 (Love it!)

Tan Rider Boots - Shoe Carnival $35 (Usually have buy one get one half off sale)

Faux Leather Jacket - Target under $40

Nicole Miller Purse - JC Penny's under $40

I am so excited about this, I've had a few girls tell me over the last few years that I should be their own personal wardrobe stylist; man I've come a long way from those mommy jeans and t-shirt days!

So to you girls, thanks! And hopefully I can give you some great Chic ideas for Cheap, (Not cheap as in cheap, but cheap as in a fabulous price)!